The start of Us…

I started dance classes at the start of the year after I felt Holy Spirit prompt me to ‘start dancing again’. Despite my mother hoping I would meet someone there, it really never crossed my mind that it would actually happen… or what a little rom-com movie cliche I would become…

Initially dancing was just a sub-plot for the amazing adventure I was having with Jesus: learning to dream again, learning to trust and follow His lead, learning to open my heart again to Him and simply fall in love with Him all over again. I felt like I was waking up from a very long sleep… and dancing became a physical expression of what was going on in my life spiritually. I honestly felt like I was blossoming.

Several weeks in and even I noticed the change in me: the joy I experienced through dancing was physically noticable. After dancing one evening, a taxi stopped in front of me and looking at me, smiled and waved me on. People walking past waved. It was crazy. We did the tango one week and being that it was very much in my personal space, I felt I needed to start praying for my instructor… if we were going to be this close, he needed to know Jesus. God gave me a glimpse into the future He had for him, to pray into it on his behalf. Speaking to one of my besties about it later, she smiled and paused before speaking, remarking how I resembled someone who was falling in love. I laughed it off as yes, I was falling in love with Jesus… but couldn’t help but notice how often I caught myself thinking about G, my dance partner…

I dismissed it as a little crush. I have had plenty of those before and figured it would pass soon enough. I mean, come on, it was my dance partner??? A week or two went by and I couldn’t shake the crush. I prayed about it and even asked Holy Spirit to take this silly distraction away; it was getting in the way of my adventure with Jesus. He didn’t. I was going home for the Easter weekend, so decided the roadtrip home would be a good opportunity to hash this out with Holy Spirit… as I even began to broach the topic, I heard Holy Spirit ask me why I thought G couldn’t be God’s choice for me… did I not think him good enough for me? I felt the rebuke but continued to push through the reasons why: he didn’t fit the image of what I thought I wanted in a partner – his job was unconventional, his education so vastly different to my own experience… and then I realised (in a moment of horrible humility) how much importance I had placed in man-made qualifications. I was the materialistic little princess I had judged others for being. I had so much to repent for… the rest of the trip was spent with Holy Spirit reminding me of all my friends (who I would consider to be living God’s best for their lives) and how few (if any) of them had fancy degrees or other man-made titles and fancy jobs. Maybe two of them.

While all of this was taking place, I was smugly holding onto my little trump card: because if he didn’t love Jesus, it was a non-starter. And being the cheeky brat that I am, I told Holy Spirit there was no way I could find that out so oh well…  Facebook stalk him, I heard Holy Spirit say. How unspiritual?? No worries, (I really do argue with God) I don’t know his surname. In that very moment Holy Spirit gave me a word of knowledge  like I had never experienced before… and just a little to my disgust. I hate the idea of stalking people on facebook. But I did… his profile picture was a cross. That says nothing I thought, it could mean anything. A scroll down his page and I saw several very christian looking posts. Never in all my life have I been more disappointed in finding out someone loves Jesus!

After a weekend of grappling with God and my own pride, I had peace in opening my heart to at least a possibility of “something”, should Holy Spirit lead that way… so keeping my heart and mind open, I went to our group dancing class on Wednesday, hoping to see if there really was something between us or if I was just dreaming. He spent the entire evening on the other side of the studio with his back towards me. Once the social had begun, he disappeared completely. My only friend wasnt there and having worked myself up into a nervous panic, I fled. Once in my car, the tears came. Why had I allowed myself to even allow hope in my heart when disappointment was inevitable; I mean wasnt that the story of my life? The worst part was I saw the pity in Jesus’ eyes and felt so dumb, that He had known it would result in this? I sobbed and went to bed feeling utterly foolish.

The next morning I had some repenting to do for my mildly tantrum-like behaviour… while sitting on the floor cutting out a pattern for a new dress, Holy Spirit reminded me of the glimpse He had shown me of G’s future and the word He had given me when I had prayed into it. Share it with him I heard Holy Spirit say. Uh…no?? Going into super spiritual mode, I happily said that would be my deceitful heart and not a good idea. Holy Spirit just laughed at me and said it sounded a lot like me giving way to fear; I needed to overcome that by stepping into that place to find victory. I had no way of contacting G other than possibly sending him a PM via facebook (which would mean admitting that I had stalked him… how humiliating!?). I stalled. I balked. I found any reason not to do it… until I realised it was a matter of obedience and how could any encouragement that pointed someone to Jesus be a bad thing? Even if it meant having to die to my own foolish pride and risk looking a little weird.

I sent the message. I wanted to cry. No reply. For over an hour: no reply. Then… a thumbs up. Hello??? That was probably worse than nothing… and then a longer message came through thanking me for the message and even opening up about its relevance.  Phew. I wasnt about to lose a dance partner?!  And then… we kept chatting… about random stuff via messenger. My car was being serviced, so I was home waiting for the phonecall to tell me to collect it, so when my phone rang, I assumed it was them… until the voice was wrong… it was G, phoning to discuss the competition he had signed us up for… he proceded to sign us up for seven dances. I had prepared myself for three. At the end of the call, he casually asked my age for the competition; my heart stopped. My age has always been an issue so when he laughed and said “wow, you’re almost an old person.” I panicked, babbled something embarrassing and hung up.  On the way to collect my car I had plenty of time to overthink and cringe. Challenging Holy Spirit, I told Him I wanted to know three things: how old he was, what church he went to and if he was single… and I wasnt going to ask. When I arrived at VW, not only did I have a FB friend request, but also a text message, giving me his number to make chatting easier… hmm… so we chatted. For three days straight. Initially it was the easy, getting to know each other type questions… by Friday he had invited himself to visit my church and by the time I had to go to dancing Friday evening, it felt like I knew him a whole lot better – and that there really could be something between us… when I got home, I found a message on my phone “what do you look for in a guy?”

I am not the kind of girl to have a “list” and yet, ironically thats exactly what Holy Spirit had made me compile in January?? So I sent it to him… laughing at how it included “must love dancing” (a month before I even began dancing lessons). He didnt reply. I didnt sleep, overthinking everything. The next morning I eventually received a text message which sounded more like wedding vows than an actual response, speaking about his vision for us as a couple… okay..? We continued to chat and by that evening we had got to the gritty stuff: our pasts and the things we had done. It amazed me at how open he was… and how open I was in return. I am not usually this vulnerable with friends, let alone almost strangers!? By 1am, I knew he was interested when he agreed to do an online personality test for me (I swear by these!) And he was so candid with the results…

Sunday morning he (eventually!!) Invited me to join him for a walk on the beach. I accepted and met him before church. We took a very awkward walk along the beach and sat chatting for a while, and by that I mean he talked and I overthought my entire reason for being there and even questioned how one makes conversation. With time running out, we headed back… one thing lead to the next and before I knew what was going on, he had pulled me towards the waves, spun me around and kissed me. The move was so epic, that I actually laughed at him! But give him credit for a job well done… having left him at the beach, I got to church and promptly freaked out: how unchristian to just allow this guy to kiss me like that?? Wasnt he supposed to pray about our relationship, seek my leaders permission, fast for several weeks, have 3 scriptural confirmations, a prophetic word and some supernatural sign…?? (I joke, but you know what I mean…)

What amazed me was in the moment of freaking out and questioning everything, he remained calm and constant – promising to give me the space I needed, while also promising to draw me back, out of my own fears… I knew beyond doubt, that God had given me an exceptional match.

[Little side-note about how much God loves His little details in writing Love Stories: Dirty Dancing was probably my favourite movie (from the time I was old enough to watch it!), it was the first CD I bought, the theme song has always been one of my favourites (and for a long time accepted as my future First Dance choice)… I watched it shortly after G and I began dating and giggled my way through the similarities.]

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